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Funny Life Quotes And Sayings Biography

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There are really two ways of going about it - you can either sit moping about how unfair and unyielding life is and how the greater cause does not make sense to you or you can take everything in with a pinch of salt (along with some tequila and a lime wedge, if you will), have a few laughs and carry on, smiling at the weirdness of it all. It might not be sugary and rosy all the way, but it will definitely be an enjoyable ride if you know how to be a sport. Truth is always stranger than fiction and there can be no greater adventure than living it. Here are a few quick jibes at the roller coaster ride we call life from some of the funniest men of all time. Life wasn't always smooth for them, but they learnt to live with it and bring out the best of the rigmarole through these lines. If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance. - George Bernard Shaw Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. - Author unknown When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time. - Author unknown Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still. - Lou Erickson There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. - Oscar Wilde It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. - Author unknown If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. - Author unknown Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination. - Christopher Isherwood The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. - Author unknown An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, "So far so good!" - Author unknown When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. - Steven Wright It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. - Author unknown Life is just a phase you're going through...you'll get over it. - Author unknown You can't have everything. Where would you put it? - Steven Wright Born to be wild - live to outgrow it. - Lao Tzu For most men, life is a search for the proper Manila envelope in which to get themselves filed. - Clifton Fadiman After one look at this planet, any visitor from outer space would say, "I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER!" - William S. Burroughs Life is like eating artichokes, you have got to go through so much to get so little. - Thomas Aloysius Dorgan Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one? - Bob Monkhouse Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. - Woody Allen Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. - Woody Allen Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television. - Woody Allen Life is just one damned thing after another. - Elbert Hubbard Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man. - William Shakespeare Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. - Will Rogers Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about. - Sam Ewing I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it. - Charles Schulz When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. - Mark Twain All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. - Jane Wagner Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines. - Steven Wright Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. - George Ade The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. - Bill Watterson It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. - Author unknown Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter. - Author unknown Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad. - P. D. East Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. - Mark Twain I told my dad I stopped raising hell and he called me a quitter! - Author unknown I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. - Sherrilyn Kenyon in "Dance with the Devil" The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. - Helen Hayes Crying doesn't help anything, try your luck with violent mood swings. - Author unknown Smile, tomorrow will be worse. - Author unknown When I'm right, no one remembers, when I'm wrong, no one forgets. - Author unknown We never really grow up. We just learn how to act in public. - Bryan White Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life. - George Bernard Shaw Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. - Author unknown If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. - Steven Wright Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. - Steven Wright Hopefully, these funny quotes on life have at least made your day, if not left you in splits. But most importantly, it should be an inspiration for celebrating life! After all, you only live once - unless you are a cat!